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Create a Mom Cave for More ‘Me’ Time

September 26, 2011

Men have been claiming their section of the home for a man cave for years. Isn’t it time for women to stake their claim for a mom cave? In case you’re not sure what one is, a mom cave is a personal space dedicated the woman of the house. It can be in a small nook or a large room with a door to shut out the noise of the family and have zen moments. The video below covers the basics.

I spoke with certified interior decorator Amy Lebowitz, owner of Decorating Den here in Princeton, and she had some great insights when it came to mom caves. She brought up an interesting point that when a guy has a man cave, he likes a room for activities. A woman has a mom cave to have peace and quiet.

Women need ‘Power Relaxing’, enjoy being pampered, and want physical and emotional comfort. When creating a mom cave it’s good to appeal to the senses. Use lighting for a layering effect, color to make a dramatic change, aromatherapy to soothe yourself, and music to set the mood. It’s about your state of mind.

Amy recommended a couple of spots in your home to choose from depending on your marital status.


According to Ms. Lebowitz, the best spot to create a mom cave is your bedroom. You can decorate it the way you want, and make it very feminine. Candles will give you wonderful ambient lighting, and scented ones can sooth you. Use crystal dishes to contain small items, adding a bit of  luxury. She suggested looking for them at garage sales and flea markets if you’re on a tight budget.


Amy says the bathroom might be a great place for you to have your mom cave if you share your bedroom. The bathtub can have candles around it, and accessories can be added to give you a spa experience. She recommended more crystal in this room. For example, a decanter can be used to store your mouthwash.

Lebowitz mentioned that some people can’t verbalize what they want. She can look at various personal items and get a sense of which direction to go in. She also loves to get the most bang for your buck. For those on a small budget, color goes a long way. Just painting an accent wall can make a big impact. Wall paper is another great option.

You can quickly throw together a mom cave in any room depending on your needs. Home Goods is a good place to get started for your DIY project. Using a certified decorator or a designer is another option. They can save you time, and often money on certain pieces since they have more buying power. Plus, as professionals, they know where to find the right things to fit your personality. Either way, indulge yourself with a special place to purge your stress, reboot yourself, hangout with girlfriends, or do your hobbies.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. September 27, 2011 9:25 AM

    Really? Really? This is just more of media created “battle of the sexes” that continues to split families apart. I imagine in the future, husbands and wives will go back to having separate bedrooms all to themselves. Whatever happened to sharing?

    I don’t have a “man cave” and wouldn’t want one.

    “Amy says the bathroom might be a great place for you to have your mom cave if you share your bedroom.”

    NOPE! My bedroom is not going to look like some adult version of my daughters bedroom.

    I’m not sure why this nonsense pisses me off but it just does.

    • shutterbuggeek permalink*
      September 27, 2011 12:09 PM

      Khürt, this is not something to split families. Since the mother tends to be the center of the family, if she’s stressed out, it effects the dynamics of the family. If the mother has a private retreat in the household, she can spend time to rejuvenate herself, and then return to her tasks refreshed. Having a mom cave means mothers don’t need to leave the house for a massage or a drink with the girls because she would be seconds away from her quiet spot. This actually makes more time for the family since there is no travel time. Surely you can’t think that taking 30 minutes out of the day to take a bath with a glass of wine while reading a good book would split the family. EVERYONE needs ‘me’ time.

  2. September 27, 2011 12:14 PM

    I understand the need for me time. I really do. I just don’t like the idea of special places in the house for men or women. A special room to get spend some quiet time? Yeah, I understand that. I just don’t get remaking the master bedroom/bathroom – shared by both spouses – into retreat for one spouse. I felt there was some “woman” only spin in the statements by Ms. Lebowitz. The only “ME” in MarriagE in at the beginning and the end.

    • shutterbuggeek permalink*
      September 27, 2011 4:08 PM

      The bedroom is for a single mom, and is the one place in the house she doesn’t have to share with her kids. In the bathroom JUST the bathtub could be used for personal space. Most men prefer showers anyway, so for a mother to call dibs on the tub should most often go uncontested. If you think about it, sometimes kids have their own rooms, the father has the office, and the mother has the kitchen, but that’s a ‘public’ space. It’s good for her to have space too. I think the main problem you might have would be giving it a name.

      This should have a ‘women only’ spin because this is about the needs of a mother. The use of the word ‘ME’ was mine, not Amy’s, and I will admit that I personally appreciate ‘ME’ time in a spot with colors, sounds and aromas I enjoy in order to completely relax. There are always compromises made in families, and a mom cave is the one place a woman doesn’t have to compromise. For some women this is very important. It’s a place were we can be individuals and let the moment be about us for a change.

      • September 29, 2011 8:23 AM

        I apologize if the tone of my text was offensive or judgmental. I sometimes forget that my family is a blend — speaking generally — of Asian “collectivism” and Western “individualism” and we are not the norm.

        I guess our family is atypical. We have a shower and a separate large Whirlpool tub. We’ve the tub a handful of times over the last ten years mostly for giving the kids a fun bath when they were much younger. My wife and I both prefer showers. We can take long hot showers to relax. My wife thinks soaking in a tub of hot soapy water along with all the “dirt” from her body is just eew…

        My wife prefer’s a quiet place where she can read so we created that space together in our bedroom — a shared space we can both use. I prefer to sit outside on the patio in the early morning reading on my iPad but I could also sit in our bedroom and read. I don’t have a “man” cave where I disappear to watch sports, scratch myself, play video games and drink beer. We don’t have a home office but I know if we did I think we would build it together (or “two”-gether) to accommodate both our needs.

        So you have a point, I may just be hung up on words. But I think words matter. So calling a space a “man cave” or “mom cave” does create a different mental image — to me. Just like “collateral damage” is meant to evoke a different mental image than “we killed innocent women and children”.

        In the end I can agree that often, mothers and wives — my wife — needs a quite space for reflection and relaxation — a “retreat”. In fact, it’s something I insist on but my wife often does not do.

        Very few people can go full speed all the time. It wears you out. Sometimes you have to stop and get your bearings. That’s a retreat. A time to stop and rest so you can go on again.

        • shutterbuggeek permalink*
          September 29, 2011 2:39 PM

          No need to apologize. Everyone has a right to their own opinions. You do not have a typical American mentality. Honestly, as long as there is an adult space in the home, where it’s just for men, women or couples away from the kids, it’s great. Sometimes it’s nice to be totally alone to meditate, read or relax. You are fortunate to have the space. Enjoy it! Next, work on your wife! 😉

  3. September 27, 2011 12:36 PM

    Good idea. We are talking about women taking care of themselves and maintaining their health and sanity. It’s probably the case that everyone would appreciate a space in their shared living space that represents them and their interests. When both parents are centered, secure and relaxed there is more positive energy for the couple and the family.

    • shutterbuggeek permalink*
      September 27, 2011 3:41 PM

      Thanks Karen! If you think about it, some kids have a play room, which is their special place. Some homes have a library or home office that’s only large enough for one adult (often, but not always the father), so the wife often needs a space to call her own.

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